Monday, July 16, 2012

Know What you want and Be happy looking for iT!

Happy Monday folks!

So I was reading an article on essence.com and I came across this interesting guideline to help us ladies out while we are out here in this zoo they call “date- life”. Now we all know in order to be a partner with someone else we have to have our shit together. Ladies, know what you are in search of, be masterly and sure of what you can bring to the table. Last but not least. If you are not happy with your situation please, please, I repeat please DO NOT SETTLE!. That is the worst you can do.  Enjoy the read below and good luck with becoming a better you!

He Has Standards Too

Despite the title, this article isn’t about men. It’s about YOU. When you’re dating, it’s your personality that’s always on display. If you’re looking for love, you owe it to yourself to make sure that this reflection is on par with what you truly desire in a man. As you search for a partner who meets your needs, consider this list of qualities men find most relatable in women.
You Mean What You Say
Setting standards is easy in comparison to keeping them. It’s all fun and games until that Idris Elba lookalike approaches. Be firm and do not lower your standards or reduce your expectations for any man. Stay in control. “This is your world, shape it or someone else will” [Gary Lew].

You Know What You Want

Who must I be to be with you? Your ability to answer that question will determine not only who enters your life but also who stays. There is nothing wrong with being frank regarding your expectations. In fact it’s criminal not to be. But in this case the crime you commit is against yourself. So do your heart justice and raise your level of expectations and watch your life flourish as a result.

You Value Your Life

In my adult life, I can confidently say that 90-percent of the women with whom I have had sexual relations never asked me about a condom. They seemed to leave that option up to me as they lay naked and vulnerable. I pray that this isn’t you I’m describing. AIDS and other STDs are spreading through Black communities at an alarming rate and women are often being affected and infected the most. You only get one body. Please be sure to treasure it.

You Love Yourself

A confident woman shines like a light on a hill. But the lack thereof cannot be hidden. It starts and ends with you. It is about what you think of yourself. Self-confidence will keep you from seeking validation from a man. Remember a man will see you how you see yourself.

You Command Respect

Many confuse “like” with respect. In fact, some women want men to like them more than they want them to respect them. It’s easy for a man to like a woman who is agreeable with his agenda; whatever it may be. Respect must be earned, and it isn’t cheap. It is paid for with the standards that you put in place. Most people want the finer things in life. Respect is as good as it gets.

You're Ambitious

Any man that will ever be worth your while will be attracted to your desire to want and be more. Your need for achievement will either excite or indict those in pursuit of you, helping you sift through the dating pool efficiently. Only an insecure man will frown upon your goals and want your life to revolve solely around him. Ambition is a force that propels you forward, and when in motion, will attract men progressing just as you are. Keep moving.

You're Ambitious

Any man that will ever be worth your while will be attracted to your desire to want and be more. Your need for achievement will either excite or indict those in pursuit of you, helping you sift through the dating pool efficiently. Only an insecure man will frown upon your goals and want your life to revolve solely around him. Ambition is a force that propels you forward, and when in motion, will attract men progressing just as you are. Keep moving.

Your Standards Are SKy High

Standards are everything. They create a benchmark for your heart; the criteria a man must meet in order to gain access into your life. If these aren’t in place, what and whom you get is on you. Your standards are your measuring stick, and they help you to ward of those who fail to measure up and to remain open to those who do. We men know when they are present and when they are not, and we take note.

 By Kevin Carr

Friday, July 13, 2012

Mr Unavailable

Dating the “Un-Avaliable man”

For the past few months I’ve been enthralled in a magnificent spectacle of bliss mixed with ciaos. The highs, oh I have enjoyed. I can even appreciate the lows because they we all made out of passion and emotions. Feelings, When a man can bring you to your knees with such superfluous behavior but at the same time make you acquiescent to his calling is a wondrous thing. ..
Now sometimes it’s awesome not knowing what’s going to happen. I am such a control freak that I have decided to completely let my guard down for the first time in my life and just go with the flow. No expectations, no knowing what’s going to happen and no wondering about the potential future… Just here and now and erratic behaviors (on both parts). I find myself trying to balance and fight with the fact that I think I am ready for a commitment. I say think because some days I wake up and I long for that partner. Someone whom I can count on, and who just gets me. While other days I’m happy to have my space and not have to worry about someone else’s emotions.
We started out as friends with just the ideal of each other. This individual is no one or nothing like I ever thought he was. Though intelligent, handsome, quirky and funny as hell. I realized that I never really knew him. I guess is some ways I still don’t . And he is totally, entirely, thoroughly, absolutely 100% unavailable…
Now, my blog followers have had a glimpse of me for the past few years and we all know that I am in search of something.  Why would I be caught up in a situation where the end could possibly be detrimental for me? I started this spiral with no expectations. I was happy with the whole Lips situation being over and I was ok with hanging out with my girlfriends and not having to worry about a man for the first time in my life. And it was a breath of fresh air that I enjoyed and bathed in for a few months. Infect, I don’t remember ever being so happy.  As I said before we were already friends so the long telephone talks and the text messages led to one on one’s which led to more one on one’s which led to I WANT MORE.   
I didn’t go looking for this. I thought I was safe with this one. Oh but how wrong I was. I have never been good with the whole “Friends with benefits’” thing anyway. And the crazy part is that I don’t know if I want more because he doesn’t or if I really “want more”. The hesitation on his part spikes the challenger in me… But at my age I can no longer afford to take those leaps (not that I am old or anything J) Why is it so hard for me to go with the flow.  Why can’t I chill out and just take it for what it is… I can’t put myself out here like that. I can’t do things that I tell my friends not to do like, visit  his Facebook page, or check him about twitter comments, and who he is texting or talking to when his phone goes off, and why am I checking him at all! He is not my man… We are we, without being a them or us. But to my friends we are a them or us.
I am a sensible person. I know how to act. I know how to keep a situation comfortable but for some reason with him… all that goes out the window.
  Ok so now that I am done with all that sappy shit lol the moral of the story is women, we need to stop being so analytical and intense about relationships. Sometimes it’s good to just go with the flow and be patient. WAIT!!! The person you might think your in love with might turn out to be an abusive beast, or a deadbeat,  but you were so in a rush to make things “official” that you didn’t take the time to not think logically. Ask your self questions like how will the future be, does he have good credit, how is he around children (if you want any) how does he treat his mom, does he respect you, does he hold you on a pedestal, and most importantly, does he feel the same way about you as you do about him…
~Ciao~   

Whats really going on....

Relationships are supposed to be about love, laughter, fun, yearning, life and great things… But the reality we live in today is all fucked up! A 2012 relationship is filled with heartbreak, cheating, stress and sadness. No communication, selfishness, and depression; all the things love is not supposed to be about. A facebook friend of mine made a status and got plenty of comments from both man and women about relationships. It made me think. There are so many people that are fine with spending their life, single. I have not been to a wedding in God knows when, because no one wants to be married! He said (my fb friend) that there is a gang of “single” individuals running around discontented and looking for something. What are you looking for!!!! What are you in search of! I am asking this to the world, no one in particular. I can even include myself amongst those individuals. Lips and I have been broken up for a few months now and I have been having mixed feelings about relationships, love and marriage.  After so much dating, so much drama, so many mis-connections, what is a person to do?

Let us get on the men for a min… There are countless beautiful woman around right? In addition, it’s no secret that the more successful a man is, the more he feels like his options are at an all time elevation.  However, let me tell you, quantity has absolutely nothing to do with quality.  I have a group of friends. Beautiful, successful women, mixed races, some have kids some don’t, all have their own house, cars and are educated and out of my 7 friends… Only 3 of them are in what we can call a “relationship”.  Some of my friends are even more successful than a lot of men out here, so what is the problem… I’m not saying that all you have to be is successful to obtain a man, but being able to support yourself goes a long way. Men are eating this up!  
Now ladies I’ll tell you what the problem is. We let men treat us like they want by telling us they are not ready for a relationship, they just want to be friends and see where it goes,  or I’m not ready to be in a long term relationship BLAH BLAH BLAH. You don’t want me to be your girl but you sure want to Fuck me whenever you like, you want to tell me what to do and what not to do, you want me to not be fucking anyone else, you want me to be available whenever you need me to be…. Oh but nooooo you don’t want a “relationship”  Puh-lessssssss. And women we are going for this! I’m telling you we need to have an annual “woman’s” meeting of the world or something because these woman are fucking the game up completely. Why would any man want to be in a relationship with me when he has Lisa and Monica who are both beautiful and are ok with just messing around without a commitment. That is less stress they say. But can someone please tell me when did love become about stress. The way the word is today really scares me. 
We need to as woman no our worth and as men you need to grow up and respect that you cannot be selfish, and you can not play with others emotions and just plan ole simple grow up.
Ciao~

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I’ve decided to dedicate this blog to a woman that are in search of the right man. Before we can go looking for a man we have to make sure we have our shit together! So I found this and agree with some of the things but for the most part so on point. I will have the man list up soon enjoy and feel free to leave a comment.



By 30, you should have:
1.    One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
2.    A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3.    Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
4.    A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5.    A youth you’re content to move beyond.
6.    A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
7.    The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
8.    An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
9.    A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. The belief that you deserve it.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.
By 30, you should know:
1.    How to fall in love without losing yourself.
2.    How you feel about having kids.
3.    How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
4.    When to try harder and when to walk away.
5.    How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
6.    The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
7.    How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
8.    How to take control of your own birthday.
9.    That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
15. Why they say life begins at 30.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

my my my

Haven’t updated in a min. Man its been crazy getting ready for this Play. Such hard work. But hopefully things will go great and all of my hard work will pay off.
So I thought I’d do a quick blog to get you guys updated on my crazy love life…. Or lack there of lately. I really starting to think that maybe I’m not the relationship type anymore L.  Lips is beginning to get on my fucking nerves!!!! I don’t know if it’s the stress from this play and all the other shit I have going on (work, school, friend, mom, music, writing, on and on and on) but every little thing he does annoy the fuck out of me!
He could look at me and I get irritated. That’s not normal right? My Ex says I’m being a little too hard on lips and that he is a good guy but I’m like man I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I don’t know. I’ve been on the road to a relationship for the past two years, maybe I have just gotten used to being single, independent and self reliant. Don’t get me wrong Lips is a sweet heart, he does anything that I ask of him but I think we are on two different levels. First off he doesn’t make as much as I thought he did. Which is ok its not all about the money. However, he has a lot of shit that he needs to get together and I am running out of –patience.
He has problems that I had when I was like 18… A 30yo man should not be playing catch up he should be confident and know what direction he is going in. lips is still trying to find his way and its so frustrating when I know what route I’m on but my man doesn’t.
There are a few other things that are starting to bug me but those are just things that I should be able to overlook…  What is a girl to do…. He is beginning to notice that I am acting a little weird too.  But it’s not like I don’t love him or anything I just wish the circumstances were better. Believe me I have put up with way more with lips than I ever had with any man… Was it all worth it?  Stay tuned CIAO

APRIL 21, 2012 HIT STAGE PLAY ITS HARD LOVING A WOMAN LIKE ME TICKETS ARE ON SALE . HIT ME UP OR GO TO WWW.ITSHARDLOVING.COM PEACE!!!!!!

Friday, March 2, 2012

MY PLAY!!!!!!!

My play is back folks!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited! make sure you hit me up for tickets and more info

you can also  buy tickets online follow the link
http://www.neptix.com/events/3564/
This April 21st!!!!!! Tickets are on sale now so get yours before its too late :-)

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Help smoked out !!!

Hey guys!!!!!!! Its been a min sense I’ve written a post. I MISS THE SHIT OUT OF YALL lol

Anyhow, I know you guys are dying for an update. Well I had to shut my blog down for a min… DRAMA in my life lol. But I’m back ON TRACK. YOU CAN’T KEEP A GOOD BITCH DOWN! LOL …so after the whole crazy Ex thing and my life being threatened, police court and all that ……..(drumroll) ……..Lips and I are still together!

Yea I’m surprised too! #kanyeshrug. Nevertheless, we are together and closer than ever before. In fact, he practically has a key to the crib lol. This is a huge adjustment for me. I have not been in a relationship in a long time so im taking it day by day lol…I’m beginning to get a little lazy to… maybe I’m just getting older who knows. So for Valentines day he surprised me with a Kindle fire… I had been wanting one for a while and one night when I got home from rehearsal for my play, there it was wrapped on my bed! He is the most thoughtful person (sometimes) we went out to dinner and to see a movie and it was very relaxing. This was a good Valentines day 



Ok so Now I am having a big problem yall. I hate that I am so meticulous. But Lips has one thing that really really REALLY gets on my freaking mental strain! He smokes toooooooo much weed! Im pulling my freaking hair out over here!!!! Now I am experiencing a lot of first with lips…. 1/I have never been in a relationship with a blue-collar worker, 2/ I have never been in a relationship with someone who uses so much profanity, 3/ I have never been in a relationship with someone who does drugs… (yes weed is a drug to me) This is a lot of first for me and I am having a hard time adjusting….his breath don’t smell or anything if you guys are wondering if that that’s why I hate it so much, that’s not it. For a smoker he actually has very nice breath lol. It’s his dependence on the weed is what turns me off. It’s like he has to have it or his life will end lol.



He wants to get all comfortable in my nice bedroom , and then before he does anything he has to light up. And I’m not taking 1 time I’m talking 3 -4 times before he goes to bed. Now I’m no weedologist but too me that is a bit excessive… Right?
I’ve never been one to understand addiction because I have never been addictive to anything so I try not to judge ( I said I try) But I just don’t understand and its driving me crazy…. What’s a girl to do? Any advise is helpful  CIAO@@@@@!